Thankful for Knowledge

I am thankful for knowledge. Even though I knew what he wanted, and even though I knew that there was only brain stem activity still going, when I asked that Mark be removed from life support, a part of me worried that he heard me. That he heard me say, “Take him off of life…

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The Real Day

The death certificate says that Mark died was November 19th, but it’s wrong. The real date is October 19th. My Mom and I were getting ready to go to the hospital and my phone rang. When your husband is in the hospital, and not doing well, you don’t want your phone to ring at 6:45…

How Much Longer?

How much longer will the first image of Mark that pops in to my brain be the one of him at the end? How much longer will Autumn be bittersweet? How much longer will I need my second husband to hold me while I cry for my first husband? How much longer will I wonder…

Reason 8,237

Would you like to know Reason 8,237 why I love my husband? Today we watched “Steel Magnolias,” and somehow I forgot about the hospital scene where M’Lynn is by Shelby’s side. But William knew what was coming up, and without my noticing, he moved to sit next to me so that when M’Lynn is holding…

The Dream

I started having The Dream as soon as I started dating after Mark died. The Dream is some version of me cheating on Mark. I wake up feeling sad and needlessly guilty and questioning my decisions. The Dream used to be bad enough when I was just dating and before William and I were really…