I used to keep a lot of stuff. Boxes and boxes of stuff. Then I began culling, donating, sharing stuff with friends. I still have boxes of stuff, sentimental things from childhood, items from our wedding, special outfits from when the kids were babies. The usual stuff. But I also had boxes of stuff from…
Mark, I can’t believe you have been gone 10 years. How has an entire decade passed? You didn’t get to experience much of it, but I firmly believe the second you become a parent you hit a time warp. It’s the only way to explain how fast the time has gone. Mark, you would be…
Cinnamon brooms in the grocery store are how I know it’s time. The smell hits me like a wall every year. It’s so strong and it’s supposed to be pleasant, but it’s not, not any more. It used to be, I used to be excited when the cinnamon brooms were in the grocery store because…
I either love Columbus Day or I hate it. I hate it because it was the last day that Mark was home. The Tuesday after Columbus Day he went into the second hospital and never came back. I was off of work for Columbus Day and together with Mark’s parents we decided that it would be…
On the way to school early this week… Nicholas: Mom? Me: Yes? N: Do you think that Brittany [our dog who died about 1.5 years ago] has found Daddy Mark? In Heaven, I mean? M: Of course. I think that Daddy Mark was waiting for Brittany the second she got to Heaven. What do you…
He wanted to know when he would be a “Smith.” That’s how the conversation started, with Nicholas asking when he was going to be a “Smith” like the rest of us. William and I started having conversations about him adopting Nicholas before we even got married. We went back and forth mostly because we were…
Like many women in Texas, I love me some James Avery. When I was 11 I got my first piece of James Avery jewelry, a silver “dangle” ring with a hot-air balloon charm. I also got a dangle ring with a dinosaur (I think it was a Kentosaurus) because I thought it was cool, not because…
There was a spot of dirt under the middle fingernail of Mark’s right hand when he was in the hospital the second time. Every day we put lotion on his hands and Carmex on his lips and aftershave on his cheeks as he lay unresponsive. But I couldn’t get that speck of dirt out from…
When people ask, I don’t know what to say. Because I don’t really know what happened to cause Mark’s death. The physicians had theories but could never say for sure. It would be easier to be able to say “cancer” or “heart attack” but I can’t. Well, I could, but that would be a lie….